Baburchi
Overwhelmed by worldwide demand for recipes of the dishes she cooked for her Joy, Prime Minister Hasina (PMH) agreed to be interviewed by Larousse Gastronomique (LG), the encyclopaedia of gastronomy published in France since 1938.
LG: Prime Minister, thank you for your time. We’ll include the Jovian recipes in our next edition. The only politician’s recipes we’ve published is Ho Chi Minh’s (Uncle Ho) famous Vietnamese game dishes including eagle and his French pastry creations learnt under the legendary Escoffier at the London Ritz Carlton in 1913.
But I’m here to hear about the dishes planned for the elections. Our readers eagerly await these.
PMH: Thank you. The menu is eclectic and does homage to various cuisines, but is solidly rooted in “Joy Bangla” culture including dishes liked by Bangabadhu, my father and father of the nation.
The first is Borhani, a spicy yoghurt-based non-alcoholic aperitif de rigeur at weddings, receptions etc. My borhani uses milk from a Brown Swiss cow donated by the Catholic charity Caritas to the Gopal family of Gopalganj and milked daily by Radha, the eldest daughter.
This is an excellent example of communal harmony in Bangladesha – Christian gift nurtured by a Hindu family with Muslims the main consumers. This can only happen under a secular government which the AL is.
Borhani is a great thirst quencher. We hope this will cool down the appetite of the power-hungry opposition crazies who’ll do anything for power, even though I’m doing my best to overcome this shortage, as the Ilahi knows.
LG: Fantastic. Please continue.
PMH: The next item is smoked hilsa or ilish. The source of the fish is a good example of cross-border cooperation, not limited to “fishy” militants. Because of a shortage during Ramzan, Mamata Didi has agreed to provide unlimited fresh Ganga ilish to compensate for not giving Teesta water. I hope to smoke out the opposition and break their backbone by deboning them.
LG: Sounds delicious, Prime Minister. What about the rumour that the Norwegian Storting (Parliament), upon the Nobel Foundation’s recommendation, offered smoked salmon, with Telenor paying the airfreight?
PMH: Rubbish. An ignoble canard by the Yunus Centre. We rejected the World Bank’s Padma financing; the Norwegian offer is peanuts! We have our pride, you know, but continue to have excellent relations with Oslo, 1818 H St NW, Washington DC (IBRD HQ) and the White House.
LG: Quite so. Please tell us about the next item.
PMH: We shall make fragrant pulao (pilaf) using recently hulled dhaner shish (rice husk). Nothing to do with the opposition party’s election symbol. Rice is our staple food since time immemorial.
We shall buy Afghani rice and Kashmiri zafranto proclaim solidarity with our Muslim brethren and the Islamic Ummah, and debunk the Hefazat’s claim that we are anti-Muslim, and buy from the Modi’s shop (not the Gujrati one), to show that we care for the small businessmen, and not only the RMG owners or rich dervishes.
LG: Most appropriate. What about the entrees?
PMH: One will be aloo bharta (mashed potato) mixed with chopped green chillies and hot sarishar tel (mustard oil). This dish is to remind our supporters that the national interest demands smashing the opposition in broad daylight.
LG: Intriguing. What’s the other one?
PMH: This will be chicken tikka, a famous Pakistani dish, to show that we hold no grudges against our erstwhile compatriots. The legs, breast and thighs will be basted with EU-supplied Hefazat-approved 100% Halal extra-virgin olive oil slow-roasted over hot Indonesian coal. The roast will stimulate our workers to make the opposition toast.
The world’s biggest spices supplier Maryland’s McCormick Co (Mccormick.com) located near Virginia’s Langley (CIA HQ) is providing subsidised secret ingredients through Joy, which is what he referred to indirectly at the iftar party.
LG: Exotic. And for dessert?
PMH: This will be shahi tukra (a rich bread pudding of the royal Moghuls), the piece-de-resistance of the meal, just as the constitutional amendment doing away with the caretaker government in of my administration. Both events are “rich” in “calories” but a whiff of grape followed by a shot of green tea should settle the stomach. If that doesn’t work, we have Eno’s Salt imported directly from England as stand-by.
LG: Innovative menu. And where do you plan to hold the feast?
PMH: On an abandoned barge-mounted power boat running on domestic natural gas, not imported furnace oil, to economise on foreign exchange. There should be no brown-outs or black-outs, but one can never tell with fundos running loose.
So we are taking suitable precautions, including subcontracting a battalion of Gurkha soldiers (Gurks) from the UK’s Brigade of Gurkhas funded by the US National Endowment for Democracy (NED). This is how I will implement my solemn commitment not to involve our army in elections.
We rejected competitive offers from India’s Indo-Tibetan Border Police (ITBP) and National Security Guards’ Black Cats Commandos and Pakistan’s Special Services Group (SSG) to show that we are committed to free and fair elections. What more does the opposition want?
LG: Most informative, Prime Minister. Thank you.
PMH: You’re welcome.
Source: Weekly Holiday
