Bad parents?

A two-year-old girl is playing alone and singing unmindfully “bojhe naa she bojhe na”— the title song of an Indian Bangla soap opera. This girl has a stay-at-home mom.

A six-year-old girl is visiting a relative – its 11pm, but she does not want to leave now. She insists on watching the Star Plus soap opera “Veera” at the host’s place and wants to leave afterwards, since she’ll be missing an episode otherwise. This girl has a working mom.

I witnessed both of the abovementioned incidents and not long after did I read the news about girls committing suicide because they were not getting a “Pakhi dress” soon enough.

The first question that came to my mind was: Is parenting being done the right way?

The mind of a child is like soft clay, which molds exactly the way it is handled. So if a child starts singing soap opera themes at age two, and starts following late night episodes at age six, then there is definitely something wrong with how the parents are handling the child.

Often, the finger is pointed towards a working mother when a child behaves the way s/he should not, but in the present Bangladesh, I see children of both working and stay-at-home moms being addicted to soap operas. So this is not really an issue of whether the mother stays at home to watch over every step the child takes or if the mother leaves home at 8am and returns at 8pm, it’s really about the morals a child is being brought up with.

If a child – in particular a girl – is encouraged to dance to the latest Hindi songs at a gaye holud program, or is encouraged to pose like models by putting a hand on her waist for her parents’ Facebook posts, then it’s not really the child’s fault if she commits suicide over a dress when she is a teenager.

I am focusing on girls, as this issue of watching soap operas meant for adults is more prominent within them than in boys. This is another indication of how mothers play a greater role in preventing their children from behaving erratically. Adult males are usually more into sports or news. I don’t want to discuss what an adult should or should not watch, what I want to say is that they should not watch everything in the presence of children.

Now, the question might arise that it’s not only the mother, but the other females of the house who also watch these programs. The thing is, how a child grows up is no one’s responsibility but the parents’.

When the mom is the homemaker, keeping a child away from watching age-inappropriate programs should be easy. The mother has to stay away from watching the programs herself while the child is awake and has to take the child away from the television when others are watching it.

For a working mom, this definitely will prove to be a bit trickier as she can’t supervise the child during every hour of the day. But then again, there must be some regulations for the child’s nanny about not turning the TV on while the child is awake. Involving the child in extracurricular activities on weekdays could be a helpful endeavour in this regard.

But the mother too needs some time off. That’s where the dad comes in. The mother is not the only parent, the dad should shoulder some of the responsibilities too. When the mother takes some free time and watches her favourite soap operas, the father can spend time with the children away from the TV.

As far as I have observed, the most popular Star Plus serials are aired after 9pm. Why is a five-year-old child staying up that late? If the parents insist on a healthy bedtime routine for children – going to bed by 8pm – then they can watch what they want on TV late at night without the risk of imparting any bad influences on the child.

I am not saying that in Bangladesh the only problem children face is watching age-inappropriate programs on TV, but we can’t deny that watching such programs is indeed a big problem for us. We may not realise the consequences today, but when this generation grows up, society as a whole will have to face the consequences.

Situations are different within each household. But one fact remains constant: A child is the parents’ responsibility. Parents, particularly mothers, need to make a few things clear to themselves. What does she want her daughter to become like? Does she want her daughter to always doll herself up, run after rich hunks, get married after becoming pregnant, and start conspiring against her in-laws at all times?

Does she want her son to become a snob and a playboy and have affairs and ask girlfriends to get an abortion so that they do not need to marry? These are the tropes that Indian soap operas exhibit, and if children are allowed to watch anything on TV, we leave an entire generation at stake.

This is not only about Indian channels; most English or Bangladeshi programs are also not appropriate for children. Indian programs have made the situation much worse.

Napoleon said: “Give me an educated mother and I will give you an educated nation.” As is the unfortunate culture in Bangladesh, we often read but do not learn. Napoleon wasn’t just referring to a university degree. Sending children to prestigious schools does not end a parent’s responsibility. There is a lot more left that needs to be taught at home.

Parenting requires sacrifices, not just monetary ones, but smaller sacrifices like not watching one’s favourite program, if that means it could have a bad influence on the child.